And then Murder Flashed in my Eyes....

I AM A GODDESS! Ok seriously though. I just spent the better part of the lunch hour killing tiny innocent creatures. ANTS! Innocent my ass-hole. They bite, they steal the cats food and they are icky icky icky. Yesterday The Man took Dylan and I shopping for household stuff. I got a lawn mower, a patio set, lots of food, a hanging plant and some decorative lawn lights. This Man knows how to please his woman, yes, yes he does.

So yesterday, armed from head to toe with bug spray, I traverse the football field that is my backyard to mow. I am the Garden Goddess, the venerable Martha fucking Stewart of Lawn care. In the five days it had been since we mowed last, the grass in the back grew, I swear to you, a foot. So I am out there mowing, happy as a clam.

Wait, wait, I am getting back to the horrible creatures. I run over 6 ant mounds in my back yard. As the whirling blades of death crash into their little cities, ant bodies and egg sacks fly everywhere. Fire blazes in my eyes. Gleefully I run to the garage after I finish the lawn, and grab the Spectre-cide and killer. Armed with a measuring cup and the hose, I proceed to commit Ant-i-cide.

The feeling of power is intense. Here I am the Lawn-Care Goddess, wrecking needless havoc on her tiny minions. MUAHAHAHAHHAA. I am an angry diety!

In other buggy news, the mosquitos are getting atrocious. The little fuckers are everywhere. Today when I was walking through the living room, Dylan seems to have a spot on his forehead, walking to him to get a closer look, I see that it is a huge ass, Mothra sized mosquito. I instantly smash it, and blood oozed from the crushed body. Now my son's little forehead is smeared with his own blood.

Before it was war, now it is Armegeddon. Beware you nasty ass, disease ridden pests. Your days are numbered. It was not that bad when it was just the Man and I covered in bites. No you had to go and attack my son. Your days are f-ing numbered.