Home Remedies Can Kiss My...

OK so, the pain is getting retardedly unbearable. The cortizone cream, and the calamine lotion are only doing so much. At my wits end, I google Fire Ant Bites. I read pages and pages of interesting articles about what can help with the pain. Stuff you can do at home! Huzzah!

Picture this... frustrated me on the floor with three seperate containers filled with various items. I lay a towel on the floor and gingerly place my tootsies on the towel.

Experiment #1- Salt and Water in a thick paste.
I search the house for the Mortens salt container. I mix up the concoction, but to my dismay I have to use Light Salt, because that is the only kind I use. So anyhow, I mix up the salt and warm water with a spoon and make a thick slurry.

Experiment #2-Half an Onion... you read right, Half an onion.
For the second time I run to the kitchen and grab a huge Vidalia out from the fridge. Huzzah everything I need. I cut it in half and run back to the bedroom.

Experiment #3- Baking Soda and Water Paste
I search high and low for the baking soda. Dammit, I got rid of it before the move.

Experiment #4- Dishwasher Liquid.
Again, I race to the kitchen and look for the detergent. I have the powdered kind. Great. So I get the idea of mixing that up with water, basically the same right? I mix that up with warm water and make a paste.



Outcome #1- The Salt Slurry
Reaction- Screaming. I totally forgot about the open blisters, and I just placed salt in the wounds. I run to the bathroom and wash it off as quickly as possible. Not discouraged, I go back into the room.
Verdict- Suck my Ass, you f-ers.

Outcome #2- The Vidalia Method
Reaction- Horror. The blisters have had time to seal shut after the salt invasion, and now the onion juice dissolves the scab! GODDAMMIT! Screaming in even more pain, I race to the bathroom and thoroughly scrub my stanky, stingy, onion feet.
Verdict- Acid in Onion Juice Eats Skin.. Tonight on CNN.

Outcome #3- The Baking Soda Paste
Reaction- Dissapointment.
Verdict- No F-ing Clue.

Outcome #4- The Dishwasher "Liquid"
Reaction- Huh... I put the slimy paste on the toes and feet and wait. Something cool happens. My feet start tingling. This worries me at first, then I get sidetracked by the lovely lemon smell emminating from my toesies. Nice. I have great taste in Dishwashing Detergent. Then the water I mixed in with the stuff evaporates and/or soaks into my skin to dry into a crusty shell that I flake off. Hmm, even more interesting. I wash off my lemony tootsies and wait for the inevitable scream/sting effect. Not so much.
Verdict- Not bad, not bad at all.

It worked I have to say. The last experiment not only made the sting/itchiness go away, but my feet smell fabulous and got rid of the oniony disgusting-ness. That and the swelling went down and I have a pleasant tingly feeling.

The only bad thing, is I have no idea how many chemicals I just put on my skin. So I will continue with the experimentation tomorrow, or be FOUND DEAD IN MY BED DUE TO SKIN POISONING!

Hopefully I will live to blog another day. Pray for me.