Baby Blues...

I think I am going crazy. All I have been thinking about lately, is having another baby. I want to be pregnant, I want to have that little life inside of me. I want Dylan to have a little brother or sister. This is insane thinking.

My last pregnancy was miserable, the first 5 months were swell! No morning sickness, nothing. I felt awesome. Then the ball dropped. I got gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia and Dylan tried to come out at only 6 months cook time. I was in the hospital off an on for 4 months. Total hospital time? 3 weeks. That is three weeks, laying on a hospital bed, and being miserable. I was put on bed rest and I couldn't stand up for more than 5 minutes at a time, otherwise my blood pressure could spike and it would have killed both Dylan and I. Not to mention the 70 pounds that I gained while pregnant. Scary scary.

But why the hell do I want another one, when there is over a 50% chance that would happen all again? Not to mention the Autism that Dylan has. There is a good chance the baby would be autistic too.

But dammit, I want another one. I want to see another child from The Man and I. I don't know why. I think my biological alarm clock is going off big time, like playing some loud music right in my ear, telling me my hormones are ready for another bundle of joy.

ACK! I have no idea what to do. Seriously. The Man does not want me to go through that shit again, he loves me so much. He does not want to lose me. I kind of brought it up to him and he looked at me like I was on crack.

Maybe the Splenda I am using is giving me hallucinations. Hell if I know. I can't talk to my Mom about it, because then she would pressure us into it. And his Mom... wait maybe I can talk to her. We'll see.