***Warning Whiney Blog Post Incoming***

Oh boy. Ok, I am happy I really am. I had the sonogram on my uterus today and everything looked fine. I have been losing weight, and am relatively in the best shape I have been in, in two years. We have a house, a car, a motorcycle and two awesome cats. The Man loves his job and Dylan is getting three classes a week for his therapy.

This is the part where I whine.

The Man, is trying to quit again.... again. He blames me for making him start up again after a week of not having a cigarette. He wanted to quit, I didn't, so I started back up again. Then he started also. He BLAMED ME. I mean come on... seriously. Uhg. He is also going through this depression type thing, where he hates everything, and is in no mood to socialize or go out and do things.

Yes we are broke at the moment, yes, we have debt, yes we just moved to a new place and do not know anyone. But, honestly, he doesn't try. I have recently joined a stay at home mother's group. I went to a tastefully simple party last Thursday and met this really cool chick named Shannon.

This is a big thing for me, I am craving friends and attention. She is coming over tomorrow with her two year old and her puppy to hang out and socialize. The Man told me to tell her that he isn't here and not to bother him. He doesn't and I quote, " Want to have to act charming and fake for company." Wow. He is on 'vacation' right now from work, he took Monday thru Wednesday off. I am finally getting out of the clam shell I have been in since High School and he is not even supporting me at all.

All he does is surf on the Internet, watch football, mope and veg. He does do things around the house, don't get me wrong. We made an agreement when we had Dylan, that I would be Susie Homemaker and he would be the breadwinner. I am fine with this. I honestly am. But after I have been home with Dylan all day, I kinda hope that he would come home to play with him and pay a lot of attention to him. But he kinda does and then goes to do his own thing.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think we were ready for kids when we got pregnant. I know personally, that I am too selfish with my time, to spend it with Dylan every second of the day. The Man is the same way, but he is an amazing father when he actually spends time with Dylan. Man this whole thing is making him seem horrible, but he is not, it's just a phase he has been going through, a slump. I wish he would come out of it.

Ok back to Dylan. I love my son more than anything, I really do, but with his Autism, I am expected to be super-uber Mom and be his primary teacher.

On to my second rant/whine topic. My son. God love him but I am going crazy. I am a smart woman, book smart and scientist smart. But when it comes to giving primary attention to a distant, autistic 2 year old who does not know how to communicate I am lost. I am not the teacher type. I always got along better with older people who I could actually hold a conversation with. With Dylan, I have to anticipate his every need, try to teach him the basics of everything in life, how to be human basically. He does not know how to talk, get what he wants, or communicate in any matter. I am stuck doing a guessing game all day... ALL FRIGGIN DAY. And when The Man comes home it is worse, because I swear that man expects me to read his mind.

I am not a bad mother, but I am not the mother I could be and should be for my son. I know that no ones ever asks for this, this challenge, but dammit, why me? I am a selfish brat, at 27. I feel like that sulking teenager who pouts whenever she cannot get what she wants. I want a normal damn son. I want to know what he is thinking. I want to know that he loves me, and enjoys being around me instead of having people tell me he feels these things. I want to take him to the park to play, not have him wander around, and then try to eat a leaf or the dirt.

The other day, Dylan was in the backyard with me while I was raking the grass clippings up. Well I didn't know it, but he was standing in a fire ant mound. The Man happened to come up to him at that time and noticed them crawling all over his hands. We both dashed inside and threw him in the shower to wash them off, and Dylan was oblivious the whole time.

Fire ants fucking hurt, I know this from experience. He didn't utter a peep. Not a tear, not a cry or whine. Nothing. This shook me to the core. My son doesn't feel pain. Does he feel anything else? Like love? I know when he is happy, because he smiles and he laughs. He likes to climb all over us and run. But what else is missing from him. No pain... no what? I was so scared. I still am scared.

Honesty, I don't ever see my son progressing to be a full social self-sufficient adult. This scares me more than anything. His mental and physical capability right now is at the 5- 7 month and 1 year old levels respectively. He is 2 years, 3 months old and still acts like a 5-7 month old...

What did I do to make this happen? I know I didn't do anything, but you ask yourself that question a lot, especially after diagnosis. I hate going around and seeing happy people, and even unhappy people with perfectly normal children and I growl internally. I joined this mothers group for me really. The time to hang around other adults who are just as crazy as I am, and their children. I know Dylan will ignore the other kids, he always does.

Another thing that bothers me is his therapy. I really don't think it is helping at all. After his three 45 minute sessions a week, The Man and I are expected to do all that they have done, 24/7. Even the most persistent parent can keep it up. I feel totally guilty that I don't do everything they suggest. I mean.. I am scared that if I don't, Dylan will be stuck growing up with the mind of an infant, and it will be all my fault. With such a tender and fragile psyche as mine, I don't need that looming over my head.

I also miss the hell out of my family. My parents, The Man's parents even cousins and uncles and aunts and friends. I need help dammit, I really do. I can't do this alone. I am being expected to, and I can't. Most days it takes all I have not to smash my forehead against the wall in frustration. I am lonely and I need help with my own little family. Does that make me a failure as an adult? Make me lazy and selfish and immature? I am a 27 year old mother of a special needs son and a moody husband, I have no close friends here or family even in this state.

Well, I don't know if this post was even worth writing, or just something I should delete. I don't feel sorry for myself. I will pick up and move on with the everyday. I just need some serendipity. Something that will let me know that I am alright, doing good, a good Mom and wife and friend and everything will be fine. Just one sign. Or a ton of signs. A big ass mack truck of signs.

Did this make me feel better? Maybe, it sure as hell made me put things into perspective. I can't be comedy and smiley roses all the time.

I'll save that for my next post.

An Icepick to the Gut....

The pain... good God, the pain is getting unbearable. My uterus is screaming at the top of it's little lungs and my ovaries are thumping and kicking their little legs like a two year old in a full blown tantrum. My whole midsection is a writhing bowl of angry-ness. It hurts to walk, sit, lay down, doing anything. The housework is getting nuts. I am so far behind. The progesterone that I am taking {the hormone that starts a females period}, I am on day 7 now, is just making it worse. MY abdomin is so tight right now, it is like a drum. Well, a drum that has a layer of blubber from a past pregnancy, but you get the gist.

To top this all off, I got Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning, I downloaded the game, ok peachy, and now the patcher doesn't work. JOY! So I am stuck downloading something, on a Torrent, that has about oh.... 26 hours left over.

GAH! Ok I know I don't make sense. I have a sonogram set up for Monday. And if I don't start by then, there is something really wrong. Like I said before I am on day 7 of 10 days of pills. Usually people start by day 3 or 4. I need happy thoughts people!

I am about to tell the doc just to yank all my shit out. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.

Ye Olde 99 Questions

1-*What is your full name? Jessica Alynn Mclain

2-*Your birth date: February 10, 1981

3-*What color is your hair? Is it short, medium or long?

4-*What color are your eyes? Light Brown, I call em amber colored

5-*How tall are you? 5 foot 1 inch, I am a giant midget

6-*Single or Taken? Married!

7*Do you have pets? If so, how many and what kind? I have two cats currently. Cheyanne and Misty

8*Who do you live with? My husband, son and the cats/

9*What do you do for school and work? I am a stay at home mommy, plan on getting my degree in Veterinary Tech.

10*Any kids? If not, do you want any? One boy, Dylan aged two.

11*What music do you listen to the most? Things like Lacuna Coil and Evanescence.

12*Do you like to read? If so...favorite book(s)? Love Laurell K Hamilton and other Gothic Romance

13*Virgin or not? Think about this one, I am not the virgin Mary, and I have a son.

14*Name your 3 closest friends. Sean, Erin and my Mother

15*Which one is your very best friend? Sean, my husband.

16*Your skin...is it fair, medium or dark? Fair to Medium, I can tan well, when I keep up with it.

17*How often do you really "go out"? Not often enough.

18*Have you ever lost anyone you loved? I lost my family in the mall one time, it scared the shit out of me.

19*Ever been in love? Real love... once... Emo love... many times.

20*On a scale of 1-5 how organized are you? 1.5

21*Do you exercise regularly? If so, how often? I mow the lawn, that is my exercise, and I also chase a two year old all day.

22*Zodiac sign? Aquarius

23*Have any nick names? If so, what? Jess and Jessie, my online nickname is Mama Mclain

24*Name a couple of T.V. shows you watch a lot. Myth Busters, and Dirty Jobs, I also love Iron Chef.

25*Movie(s) you can watch over and over: Anything from Pixar

26*Do you have tattoos? If yes, how many and where are they? I have three currently. My tummy on the left side, my left shoulder blade and the tramp stamp.

27*Any piercings? If yes, how many and where are they? Nose, and Ears in three places each.

28*Wear glasses? All the time, can't stand the thought of contacts.

29*Have braces? I did in high school, can never tell now, my teeth are stubborn.

30*Do you have siblings? If so, how many? One brother, he is three years younger.

31*Are your parents still together? Very much so.

32*What is/was your worst subject in school? Math... I hate math.

33*Your best subject? English or Science.

34*Do you currently play any sports? If so, what? Full Contact Mothering

35*Do you like to dance? Yes when no one is really watching.

36*Sing? All the time.

37*Favorite color? I love em all for different reasons.

38*Favorite Holiday? Thanksgiving

39*Where, outside of the U.S. would you like to visit? Back to Europe, I love it there. I lived in Germany for 7 years.

40*Do people tell you that you act older, younger, or your age? Older, I act older and look like I am still in high school.

41*Ever have an imaginary friend as a child? I cried the day he left me.

42*Ever been skinny dipping? Yup... heh.

43*Did/Do you enjoy high school for the most part? Not really.

44*Drink? If yes, how often? Not often at all, my husband doesn't at all, and I do rarely.

45*Smoke? Oh yea.

46*Ever been in a physical fight? If yes how many and who were they with? When I was 8 I beat up a 14 year old boy, kicked him in the nuts!

47*Have you ever cheated in a relationship? Never.

48*What's your definition of cheating? Holding hands, kissing, doing it. I am strict.

49*Do you wear pajamas to places other than at your house? I wore pajama pants to the grocery store once, felt like an ass.

50*Have you ever stolen anything from a store or from someone? Nope. I am an angel.

51*Ever cheated on a test? Unfortunately my angel status only goes so far.

52*Ever been in any legal trouble? Newp

53*Do you regret anything? I regret constantly, intelligent people do. Also the depressed ones.

54*Name 5 of the most important things in your life. My son, my husband, my house, my sanity {what little there is left}, my health and my computer.

55*How many languages can you speak and what are they? Um, Proper English and Hick.

56*Are you a touchy feely person? With people I know.

57*Do you take showers in the morning or at night more? Both, I love to be clean. But when I can't get around to it, usually the afternoon.

58*Do you trust easily? Unfortunately. But FORTUNATELY life has taught me better.

59*Any phobias? I hate heights and scorpions.

60*Are you a heavy or light sleeper? Depends on when I get to sleep.

61*When did you make your face book profile? About 3 months ago.

62*Any disorders you've actually been diagnosed with (O.C.D., A.D.D...)? Chemical Depression and AA DD.

63*Are you a morning person? Sometimes, depends on the coffee consumption.

64*Sunrise or sunset? Sunset.

65*Ever had surgery? Breast Reduction and a C-Section.

66*Ever come close to death? When I was pregnant, I hovered constantly.

67*Ever broken any bones? My nose and a few fingers. Also my forearm.

68*When you die, would you rather be buried or cremated? I am undecided really.

69*Play any instruments? If so, what? Flute, Baritone and um.. yea.

70*Have you been told you can sing well more than once? Yup, got the medals to prove it.

71*3 physical features you get complimented on a lot: My hair, my eyes and my mouth.

72*Your least favorite feature: My weight.

73*Clothing store you shop at the most: Sadly to say, Wal-Mart.

74*What is/are your heritage(s)? Irish, German, Polish and Indian. You'd think I would drink more.

75*What is your religion or do you not really have one? I am a Wicca-Christian

76*Ever been cheated on? Yes.

77*Ever had a one night stand? If so, how many and do you regret any of them? A lady never tells.

78*Current friend that you have known the longest: Erin Messer

79*Name someone you can tell just about anything to. My husband.

80*Sweet or Sour? Candy, sour. Food, sour. Dessert, sweet.

81*Where were you born? Fort Benning, GA

82*Do any of your close friends have children? Nope

83*Are any of them married? A couple of them.

84*Have you ever taken any antidepressants or anxiety medication? Both, every day for the last 7 years.

85*Ever seen a therapist? Yea, they are ok I guess.

86*Did/do you transfer schools a lot? Yes, I grew up an army brat.

87*Favorite animal to have as a pet: Dogs and Horses

88*How many floors does your home have? How many bedrooms and bathrooms? One floor, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms.

89*Do you live in a neighborhood or in the middle of nowhere? A neighborhood, which is awesome.

90*Favorite food: Anything Asian, specially sushi and exotic things. And Soul food.

91*Do you like to shop? For the house. For myself? No, I can't stand clothes shopping.

92*How often do you go online? All the time.

93*How sexual are you on a scale of 1-10? 7.

94*Something or someone you miss the most from childhood: Being close to my family.

95*Have you ever slept with someone 10 years or more older than you? Newp.

96*Over 10 years younger? Newp.

97*Are you usually late, early or right on time? Early, when it comes to appointments and dates.

98*Are you happy with your life for the most part right now? Very very very. Except for the being overweight, and broke.

99*Explain your personality. I am very laid back, but very sporadic. If I want something I want it now. Impatient and artistic.

I Am Teh Geek

I have been playing online role playing games for a few years now. Actually if I think real hard, which I really try not to do, I have been playing since 2004. I would not call myself an uber gamer. I have met some people online who have played for years and years, and it is all they do, they even met their spouse online by gaming. There will be raids that are done and dungeons that are run through right when they come out, as soon as a game is updated. You gotta get the gear! Those pixels are important! I almost fell into the trap of being one of these people, with World of Warcraft.

Oh WoW, how I loved thee. I'd still love thee if I were still playing. I played in the same guild for just about two years. The Fifth Horizon. These people were awesome, and still are, I am sure. I played on the Blackwater Raiders server, horde side. My main characters' name was Keliss. Oh my orc hunter, how I rocked thee. I was getting super good, playing all day and night, getting the awesome gear, and then I realized, oh snap. My life is going to crap! So I stopped playing WoW, and started to look for other games.

I played Lord of the Rings online, City of Heroes, tried the trials for Evercrack 2, I mean Everquest and Dungeons and Dragons online, I also tried a few free online games. Then I found Age of Conan to be addictive for the first oh, month. I am still looking for the perfect game. One rich with lore and fantasy. One with awesome graphics, easy to follow game play and great quests. One with lovable classes and races, and with super beautiful gear. I have yet to find one that interests me the way WoW did.

Man if I could create a game, it would be thrilling. I dream about this game, I am serious. It would be set in a modernish day, with many different classes and races. Everything from fairies, dwarves, elves and the such. To the boring humans, vampires and were-creatures. The quests would be well written and intriguing. The graphics to die for. The customer service, impeccable.

But alas, the United States and even the Asian countries have failed to produce a game like this, so I am still waiting. It kind of made me sad, Age of Conan was so hyped and it really was awesome for the first oh, say 20 levels. After that, the quests were interesting, but the crafting and PvP systems were crap. The gorgeous graphics could not make up for it.

I have heard that Warhammer is doing well, it came out this last week. The Man almost vehemently refuses to buy me another game though, because recently I got Spore (which I am loving) and Fable the Lost Chapters, which I haven't played since we got to Texas.

I want a new MMORPG, dammit, once I can immerse myself in, that is beautiful, easy to understand and with depth, is that too much to ask? I guess so, but damn I want it now.

Of course, if I had my way, my monthly gaming fees would be around 100 bucks. I hate the pay by month thing, but these guys gotta make their money somehow. The Man hates the game cards and the subscription fees, I understand, after buying the game, you shouldn't have to pay for it to play it. Guild Wars, which I also tried was like this. I can see 5 bucks a month, but 15.99? Christ that stinks.

Oh well, I have Spore and the Perfect World right now. Spore is great, but it needs some more depth, they left out some things that were supposed to come in the game. But this is also Maxis we are talking about, the creators of the Sims, the games of a zillion expansions which you have to pay for. Perfect World is a free game out of China. The game is pretty, but.. but... I can't understand have the quests. It IS translated, loosely. Like someone just put the text in Babble fish and let it ride.

Well, I am going to zone in a game, ttys!

Foo Foo Foo...

My son isn't talking yet. This is no big deal, he is only 2 and he is Autistic. But some of the sounds he makes is adorable. He constantly babbles in D-bonics. His own little language, that he uses in his everyday world. Lots of Consonants followed by some vowels. His favorite so far is Foo foo foo. Or Voo voo voo if he is feeling saucy.

When he is asleep or not talking, The Man and I find ourselves talking to eachother in D-bonics. My favorite is his Ahh-hah noise. It is so adorable and I will make that sounds outta no where. My little man is growing and talking. Just nothing we can understand. He is abso-freaking adorable.

Hmm...

Well, I went to the doctor yesterday. She was awesome. I am loving this hospital. BUT... I didn't find out what was wrong. All hands are pointing to my uterus being a bitch. That, or I have a uterine cyst. Oh joygasm. I have an ultrasound on the 25th to see for sure. For now, I am being put on progestrine to kickstart my ol' aunt flo, and after 4 months of her being gone, it's going to be a nasty one. Once again, JOYGASM! So if any of you stop by for a visit, the men are all dead and the cats are crying, and when you open the door, the red sea comes flowing out, it's ok, the doctor made me!

ZOMG Happy!

Misty returned! My little one is back. After a week of being on hiatus, she is back. And I am not letting her go again. She is now officially a member of the Mclain household. Now, an adored house cat, free to laze around all day and sleep {which she has been doing}. Cheyanne and her are not exactly getting along, so Chey is sleeping in the bedroom, while Misty has the run of the house most of the day. But when Chey does get let out, they have hissing fits and little spats. This is way way normal for two female cats. They will get used to eachother. Misty even is using the catbox, and follows me around like a puppy when she is not snoozing.

On another note, I have been losing weight like it is going out of style. Well, to tell you the truth, I have only lost about 10 lbs, but my body is tightening and I feel gorgeous. Talk about something to kick you out of a depression. The Man has been going ga-ga over me, and I feel pretty damn good about it. After having Dylan, my body swelled to over 210 lbs. Now being 185, is a joy and a treat. I am still in size 18's, but I was able to wear The Man's Cowboy's jersey, which is a kids XL. It looks super fab on me. Yea, my hubby is that small. He just recently got three new pairs of jeans, which are all 32 inch waists. Grrr. Oh well, someday I will have The Man's girlish figure, you better believe it.

Fall is in the air. This morning the dew was frosty, and I have been able to wear jeans. Thank God, because my legs look like a scarred warzone. With jeans, not only do I get to show off my perfect J-lo butt, but I get to cover the battle wounds from the bugs.

I am in bliss. From last week, this is a 180 degree change. Maybe I am bi-polar. Meh, who knows, but all I know is that I feel good!

Well, except for the constant pain I am in. Don't worry, dear readers, I am going to get checked out, I think not having a period since May and cramping all the time and the fact that I am NOT pregnant is a little cause to worry. So Doctor's office here I come. Blech, I hate going to the docs. But if it makes me better I will be happier. I was checking online for my symptoms, and scarily enough, it sounds like a problem. Everything from early menopause to ovarian cancer grabbed my attention. I am NOT a hypocondriac, but damn, this is weird.

So wish me luck on getting an appointment soon. I hope I don't have to get my shit ripped out. That would suck. Specially since I have no one to take care of me if I have a surgery, because all my family is 8 hours away either direction. Pray for me. We'll see how it goes.

Therapy for the Soul

I love lawnwork. I mean almost crazy about it. Seeing a lawn that is in neglect puts me on edge. everytime I go to my parents house, I mow the lawn for them, for relaxation, and because of my obsessive compulsive nature.

To me it is therapy, a work out and meditation all in one. Let me explain.

Therapy, because I am actually doing something creative, constructive and motivational. When I see the finished product, it fills me with intense pride, and if I need to beat the shit out of something I weed, or chop something up.

A work out, because by the time I am complete, I am dripping sweet, and smell like an 80 year old man who forgets to put on his deoderant. Believe me I know what this smells like. It works my arms, my legs and I clench my tummy and butt while mowing. I glisten from a combination of sweat and sun. The tan is nice too.

Meditation. What do I think about when I mow, my life, and my past? Nope, a sense of inner peace comes over me, and my minds seems to drift and join with the earth, in a state of super karma. As I plant, I feel one with nature, as I feel I am helping her to achieve glory. You are working with the Mother, the one we all came from, our roots if you forgive the pun. I don't believe I am shaping it to my will, but allowing the plants to be at their most healthy and productive. Don't even get me started on veggies, being able to feed myself and my family, from things that I helped grow, is an amazing feeling. And when I am done, all of the stress and meloncholy I felt before has drifted away.

Lawnwork and gardening is therapy for the soul. A kind of Green Zen. Inner peace and self relaxation. Buddah, Mother Nature, and all the other guys would be proud.

Depression Rears it's Ugly Head

I have been on depression meds for about 7 years now. They have been working great! Don't get me wrong. But everyone once in a while, the chemicals in my brain decide to fight back. Chemical depression is they lay term of the disorder, meaning the brain has a unbalance of the happy chemicals to keep you sane. It's not the technical term of what I have, but my brain is fighting me right now, so I give you they lay term.

Yesterday, I waited until Dylan took his nap, and then I laid in bed all day. I slept, I cried and I just basically moped around. When the Man got home, I told him I had a stomach ache, {which was true} and he let me sleep the rest of the night. You would think after 18 hours of sleep, one would be rested and refreshed. Nope. I am more tired and bummed than I was before.

But Mama Mclain, you ask, why don't you go do something to make yourself feel better. WELL, I would, but it has been raining for the past two and a half days, so I can't do yardwork to make myself happy. I have been playing the video games that usually make me happy as well, and they haven't worked. I think the underlying problem is stress and boredom.

I am a housemom. This means I stay at home all day every day, and take damn good care of my son. This also means that I don't get to go out and socialize as much as I would like to. There in strikes the boredom. We only have one vehicle at the moment, because The Man cannot use his motorcycle on base to go back and forth to work. Once he gets the class out of the way {later on this month} I'll be able to go to that Mommies group I joined.

The stress is caused by The Man, we have been bickering and he has had some very very rough days at work, due to the class he is taking at the moment. How can I help his stress and calm him down when I am stressed myself? I dunno.

But Depression is striking it's ugly head, and you better be damned sure I am going to rear mine back at it. RAWR you stupid depression. I can totally see why some housemom's turn to drugs and alchohol. I would not for a million zillion dollars. But I can see why, it is the easy way out of being bored. Use something that gives you euphoria. That is the losers way, in my opinion. No offense to you out there who turn to it.

So, it is the hard grind of trying to bring myself out of the dregs here. Bear with me the next couple of days. I'll make it through. I just wish I had more friends out here. Well soon I will, soon. One can only hope, and pray and do whatever it is that happy people do. Maybe I'll go hug a tree or something.

Take Care Little One...

She is gone. Out of the blue, she just stopped coming around. Little Misty, our adopted alley kitty is gone. It's been a week since she has come around, her food bowls untouched by feline eating, it was emptied by a neighborhood possum.

I wrote about her miraculous appearance last month, how she looks so much like Brooklynn, our deceased cat. In the two days after I put a flea collar on her, she disappeared. The Man thinks that her owners saw the collar and decided to stop letting her out. She was so calm when I let her in the house, snoozing at my feet when I was on the computer. I think the humane society caught her. I saw one of their trucks roaming around the day before the left.

Well good and bad in a way. Bad, because I was this close to keeping her in the house. Good, because she can get a full time home. I am a true believer when it comes to the animal shelter. Yes they euthinize the animals if they don't get adopted, and some of the animals were happy and healthy roaming around free. Other than these bad points, the Humane Society is a good place.

Well, wherever you are Misty girl, my heart is with you. Like Brooklynn before you, I will miss you, you left a soft spot in my heart that will always think of you in happiness. Take care little one.

I fell off the wagon or I am tha WOMAN!

So yesterday, after 7 days of non-smoking, I bought a pack of smokes. Ultra-lights to make myself feel better. I know they have the same amount of nicotine as the normal cigs, but it does make me feel not as bad. The worse thing is, is that I smoked and then The Man smoked too. One whole week of being clean smelling, nice fresh kisses and having my lungs not hurt, and dammit I am back again.

Why do we smoke? What is the draw of it? I have no idea, and yet, I have a great idea of why. There are poisons and addictive thingies in cigarettes that make you want them. That and I am proud to say, is that I have an oral fixation, and I need to be doing things with my mouth.

So, instead of eating myself obese and slowly killing myself with food, I will slowly kill myself with smoking. It's a lose lose situation. But at least I'll be skinny. >.<

We went shopping yesterday, just to look around, maybe add a little more debt to the credit card. Both the man and I were feeling bored, so we hauled Dylan into the car and went to eat and stopped by Lowes. ZOMG they had a 2 seater swing that we have been searching for. It was only 75 dollars! WOW. So we cram it into the back of our Saturn Vue and drive home happy. We get home, Dylan has fallen asleep, and The Man starts his homework.

I put on my ballcap, and march up to the swing box. See, in our family, I am the man. I build things, put everything together, grill the food, mow the lawn... you get the drift. I enjoy it. I am also the NON-bread winner in our household, so I do these things to, yah know, earn my keep. So I proceed to put the swing together, and it rocks. The Man is thankful and it is a good day.

Other than the smoking. Oye Vey.

Another Hair{style} Bites the Dust... or Long Weekend

Wow, what a long weekend. It officially ended for us yesterday morning. I will do a day-by-day replay.

Friday: The Man got off of work early, so we decided to hit the mall and do some shopping. I have been dropping the hints of getting my hair done. I mean totally new, color, cut and new style all together. So he said, ok, we will get your hair done today. YEAY! I was thrilled. So we went to the mall and I got in to Master Cuts right away. The chick who did my hair Chelsae was a bit of an airhead, but it was cool, she was very sweet. Well besides, I am not the easiest to understand when I try to explain things, I have AADD so sue me.




So an hour and a half and only 43 bucks later,
this is the result. Isn't it adorable?! I was so happy about it, and I still am, considering I could
only put it into a ponytail or leave it down,
I was starting to get annoyed with the long
hair look. I got 8 inches cut off. WOW!








Saturday: We go grocery shopping, and wait for The Man's parents to come later on that night. They get here, we are all excited, and I go outside to help my Dad-in-Law to bring in the suicases. HOLY CRAP. I saw a tail sticking out from one of their tires. At first I thought that they ran over a snake and it stuck to their tire. I was cool with this, so I went inside to tell everyone to come out and see. I go back outside and the tail is disappearing underneath the car. Uh-oh. It was still ALIVE!
Dad-in-law and I are crawling around trying to get the snake from out of underneath the car. We are using everything we can imagine, from a rake to spraying water on it to shoo it out. Nothing works. The Man and his Momma were in the house totally creeped out. Apparently The Man's Step Dad and I are the bravest mo-fo's ever. So you never know, there still make be a 5 foot bullsnake underneath their car. I hope it has fun on it's trip to New Mexico.

Anywho, the weekend sped by and we went shopping and got presents for the house. Flowers, and a new shovel and lots of cool stuff. Sunday was a blast, and Dylan responded to his grandparents so very well. He loves them tons.

So they left Tuesday morning and Dylan has been missing them, hell so have I. It is now Friday and I started this post on Wednesday Morning, shows you how into it I have been.

Hopefully when I pull my head out of my ass, I'll get to blogging more. Oh yea, this is the 6 or 7th day we have not smoked, that may have something to do with it. I was on Chantix and I just stopped taking it. I keep eating and lazing around, doing shit here and there. I know I am going to gain all the weight I lost back. Oh well, back to the drawing board. Damn I want a cigarette.

Wonderful Chaos...

Hey everyone, I know it has been a few days. The lack of blogging has been killing me. This weekend has been soooo super busy and stressful. The Man and I quit smoking, it has now been over 72 hours; and we still want to kill eachother.

My parents-in-law are in town, and that means gifts for the house! I got my hair cut off, a good 8 inches of it, and I have figured I have lost around 15 lbs! This is just an update, and a more detailed blog is on the way, most likely by tomorrow. Oh yea, remind me to tell you about the snake that crawled into the axle well of my parents-in-law car!